Michael Mantell by Michael Mantell

Stress free

Who isn’t an expert these days when it comes to stress? Parents rushing their children off to school while packing their own briefcases and munching on a “breakfast bar,” commuters making a breathless dash to catch transportation, dealing with aggressive bosses who don’t know how to manage people, parents moving, divorcing, and/or not sleeping due to continuous thoughts about financial or health worries.

Yet for all of this “expertise,” nearly 80 percent of Americans regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress, and nearly 75 percent experience stress-related psychological symptoms. Extreme stress is a familiar feeling for one-third of the country, due largely to job pressures, financial woes, health concerns and unhealthy relationships.

Debilitating fatigue, jackhammer headaches, hypertension, weight gain, weak immune system, lead weights inside your upset stomach, vice-like muscle tension, boiling anger, frozen anxiety, “I give up” depression and yes, even impaired sex drive—just a few of the stress-related side effects that cost Americans an estimated $300 billion a year.

Skip Saying Hello to Stress in the First Place

For something that we create ourselves, this is all unnecessary. You read that right. Stress is not something we GET. We are the writers, producers, directors, stage managers and actors in our own creation we call “stress.”

Seneca, the Greek philosopher, said, “Everything hangs on one’s thoughts.” Epictetus, another Greek philosopher, observed, “People are not disturbed by outside things and events, but rather we disturb ourselves about those outside things and events.” American philosopher/psychologist William James added, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” And I’ll add what I’ve learned from coaching CEOs, athletes and everyday folks for more than three decades: “The link is what you think.”

Believe you lack the resources to handle a challenge or imagined “threat”? Think you “must” do well and it’ll be “terrible” if you don’t? Believe that people “must” treat you well and it’s “awful” when they don’t? Demand that life “must” be fair and it’s the “end of the world” when it’s not? Think that “nothing could be worse,” things are “more than 100 percent bad,” or “no good can come from bad events”?

Instead of creating the psychological and physiological effects of stress with these irrational thoughts, substitute more accurate and rational beliefs:

  • “I’d like to do well, but I don’t have to do so.”
  • “It’s bad if I don’t do well, but not terrible.”
  • “I want you to treat me well, but unfortunately you don’t have to do so. And when you don’t treat me well it’s really unfortunate, but not awful.”
  • “I very much want life to be fair, but unfortunately it doesn’t have to be the way I want it to be. So, if life is unfair that’s very bad, but it’s not the end of the world.”

See? Things could be worse. The event you are facing is less than 100 percent bad, and good could come from a bad event—you just have to look for it.

Stress is not a mosquito that bites you when you are resting (remember rest?). It’s not a snake that comes slithering into your office (that’d be your boss!). Stress is something that only originates in your thinking! Change the way you think and you’ll release the energy you built up, leading to a change in the way you feel. Ahhhh—feeling better already?

We know that exercise, of course, increases your ability to combat the effects of the stress you created. Brain-derived neurotrophic factor actually promotes the health of your brain and its growth, in particular in your prefrontal cortex/hippocampus, and thus helps in stress management.

But why manage something you can more easily prevent? While there are myriad ways to live a healthy, stress-free life, happy and fit, here are a few to begin practicing as soon as you finish this blog post:

  • Smile more daily, especially at the first 10 people you see.
  • Think rationally, accurately, logically, confidently and positively.
  • Relive the good with healthy relationships, the pleasant, the favorable accomplishments in your life and avoid recounting the bad.
  • Eat right and light, including asparagus, avocados, blueberries, warm milk, almonds, salmon, spinach and oatmeal.
  • Sweat more through regular exercise such as high-intensity interval training; incorporate mind-body exercise, including yoga, Pilates, tai chi, and meditation; set a timer and stand every 10 minutes if you can during your work day.
  • Savor your life by choosing gratitude and focusing your thinking in healthy, mindful, factual ways without predicting gloom and doom. Slow yourself down by finding the beauty of experiences and creating relaxing moments throughout your day.

Fred “Mr.” Rogers urged us to remember: “In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts.”

I’ll add, why create stress in the first place? Choose the bliss in front of you.

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